"Among the Hairy Earthmen" (1966)

The North is full of tangled things and texts and aching eyes And dead is all the innocence of anger and surprise, And Christian killeth Christian in a narrow dusty room, And Christian dreadeth Christ that hath a newer face of doom, And Christian hateth Mary that God kissed in Galilee, But Don John of Austria is riding to the sea. — G.K. Chesterton, “Lepanto”

Best of all, the Sack of Rome! There was a dozen different games blended into that one.

“Among the Hairy Earthmen” is one of my favorite Lafferty stories, though it is far more straightforwardly allegorical than almost anything else he wrote, perhaps because he needed to tame the riot of historical detail. Its vexed compositional history suggests as much. Most readers, I think, spend so much time focusing on the costume drama and the children’s mischief, which the story plainly centers on, that they miss the forest for the trees.

Yes, of course, the story is about social tumult. It’s about bloodshed and hijinks and disorder, about the slaughterbench of history, about “Christian killeth Christian,” and the last gasps of the Crusades at Lepanto.

But it is also about something else: the Church Militant taking an afternoon nap while the wind rushes out of the Catholic Middle Ages and the children vandalize the cathedral. That is what lies on one side of their games. On the other side is the rise of the Counter-Reformation. The Counter-Reformation is one half of the point.

The story sits between these two peaks of Catholic culture, with Lafferty cocking a snook at the humanist celebration of the Renaissance.

If we pause even for a moment to consider the events in the story, we can nearly pinpoint the year when the Pilgrim arrives, when the long afternoon ends. It is a little after the Council of Trent (a massive symptomatic absence). Teresa of Ávila has just written The Interior Castle (1577).

This ties the story to the part of Lafferty’s mind that produced Fourth Mansions and historical rupture. It also connects the story to the historical ideas in The Flame is Green, where Lafferty again addresses the violence of history. And both connections make sense.

The Council of Trent and the Counter-Reformation (1554–1648) were part of a “Green Revolution” that was both disciplinary and spiritual. This contrasts with the culminating red frolic of the children, the hellish Battle of Alcácer Quibir (1578), where the Catholic forces were nearly annihilated by the Muslim army under Sultan Abd al-Malik.

Virtually the entire Portuguese army was killed, captured, or scattered.

Alcazar-Quivar! That was the last of the excellent ones—the end of the litany. The Children left off the game. They remembered (but conveniently, and after they had worn out the fun of it) that they were forbidden to play Warfare with live soldiers.

"Litany" is important here because a litany is not a mere list. It is a thematically organized one. Lafferty has populated a timeline with a pattern: the children play games, and each one is played at Christendom’s expense.

They remake the Church’s sacred art, replacing the Medieval gargoyles so loved by Chesterton and Lafferty with angels that look like people, figures that celebrate the human as much as the divine.

Through the Medici, they gain influence over the Papacy and turn it into a soap opera. Through the disastrous Italian Wars, they smash the Church’s heartland like a clutch of eggs; through the Sack of Rome, they achieve their masterpiece: the political humiliation of the Church’s seat on earth. And they also deliver smaller insults. Through Bea, they trick the Church into canonizing performances.

Their most damaging move was the introduction of the printing press, which they gave to the world and which would become the siege engine of the Reformation, a machine used to break Catholic Christendom in the West.

As the children's long afternoon ends, they even pretend to be sorry for what they have done while threatening the aborning Counter-Reformation. This is where they go too far. It is where the Pilgrim steps in to stop them.

Given so much evidentiary material, it's odd that anyone finds the Pilgrim at the end of the story mysterious. A sly joke may be at work here: the children do not recognize him, but the reader should be able to.

Whatever else he is, he represents the Church Militant, reappearing after the Reformation, the Church that has been called a Pilgrim Church since the Middle Ages.

This is why the Pilgrim's “Yes, I have compassion for mice” is not a throwaway line; it echoes scriptures like Matthew 9:36: “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Harrassed. Helpless.

At the end of the story, seeing the staff as only a walking stick or a weapon is something of a Rorschach test.

In the bodies of Kings and their Ladies, they strode down a High Road in the Levant. They were wondering what last thing they could contrive, when they found their way blocked by a Pilgrim with a staff.

That staff is a crozier and the alien children are wolves.

c. 1308–1321	Dante's Divine Comedy: Dante Alighieri writes his epic poem, a cornerstone of Italian literature and Christian cosmology, detailing a journey through Hell, Purgatory, and Paradise.	The Divine Comedy is a plagiarized and "cropped version" of a "Think Piece" by Ralpha. Ralpha's original was a "burlesque" where he put the other Children in Hell, boring humans in Purgatory, and parodied thehome world as Paradise. Dante "left out a lot of the fun."	"Ralpha did a Think Piece called One, Two, Three—Infinity. In its presentation he put all the rest of the Children to roast grandly in Hell; he filled up Purgatory with Eretzi-type people---the dullards; and for the Paradise he did a burlesque of Home. The Eretzi use a cropped version of Ralpha’s piece and call it the Divine Comedy, leaving out a lot of fun."
Late 13th / Early 14th Century	Emergence of the Mechanical Clock: Mechanical, weight-driven clocks with escapements appear in European towers, revolutionizing timekeeping and the ordering of daily life.	The Children brought the concept of the mechanical clock with them from their home world and built some for their own amusement. Humans copied the design.	From the list of innovations: "...the Mechanical Clock."
1360s	Ottoman Conquest of Adrianople: Sultan Murad I captures the Byzantine city of Adrianople (Edirne), making it the new Ottoman capital and cementing the Ottoman presence in Europe.	This is one of the first "bloody names of battles" the Children joyfully engineer. They orchestrate the fall of the city as a war game, setting the stage for centuries of conflict.	"Adrianople, Kunovitza, Dibra, Varna, Hexamilion! It's fun just to call out the bloody names of battles."
1371	Battle of Maritsa (as "Kunovitza"): Ottoman forces crush a Serbian army at the Maritsa River, a significant battle in the Ottoman conquest of the Balkans.	An example of an obscure but "bloody" battle the Children instigated. It shows that they spurred on not just famous conflicts but countless minor skirmishes for their entertainment.	"Adrianople, Kunovitza, Dibra, Varna, Hexamilion! It's fun just to call out the bloody names of battles."
1378–1419	Reign of Emperor Wenceslas IV & Usurpation by Sigismund: Wenceslas IV, King of Bohemia and Germany, rules ineffectually. He is deposed as German King in 1400 by his half-brother Sigismund.	Lonnie, deciding to "go pure Gothic," assumes a human form and "pushes the Emperor Wenceslas off the throne" to start his game of being an emperor by impersonating Sigismund.	"Lonnie went pure Gothic... 'I am the Emperor!' he told the people like giant thunder. He pushed the Emperor Wenceslas off the throne and became Emperor. 'I am the true son of Charles, and you had thought me dead,' he told the people. 'I am Sigismund.' Sigismund was really dead, but Lonnie became Sigismund and reigned, taking the wife and all the castles of Wenceslas."
c. 1400	Conflict between Wenceslas and Sigismund: Sigismund, Wenceslas's half-brother, leads opposition against him, eventually imprisoning him.	A game between Lonnie (as Sigismund) and Michael Goodgrind (impersonating a "new" Wenceslas).	"One day the deposed Wenceslas came back, and he was possessed of a new power... Lonnie (who was Sigismund) learned that the Wenceslas he battled was Michael Goodgrind wearing a contrived Emperor body. So they fought harder."
c. 1400–1600	The "Common of Holy Women Neither Virgins nor Martyrs": A liturgical category in the Catholic Church for female saints who were not virgins (e.g., were married or widows) and were not martyred, such as St. Helena or St. Monica.	Bea plays a game of "beating paths from thrones to nunneries and back again." Her various lives as a queen, then a penitent nun, were so dramatic that later, confused humans canonized her multiple identities as five different saints in this specific category.	"...she beat paths from thrones to nunneries and back again; and she is now known as five different saints. Every time you turn to the Common of the Mass of Holy Women who are Neither Virgins nor Martyrs, you are likely to meet her."
c. 1440s	Invention of the Printing Press: Johannes Gutenberg invents the printing press with movable type in Mainz, Germany, sparking a revolution in communication and the spread of information.	The mechanically-minded Hobble "had just invented the printing thing" so that the other Children could easily reproduce and distribute their own literary works during their stay on Earth. Gutenberg copied the idea.	"Then they came down to smaller things again and played at Books, for Hobble had just invented the printing thing."
1444	Battle of Varna: A Crusader army led by King Władysław III of Poland and Hungary is decisively defeated by the Ottomans under Sultan Murad II.	This battle is one of the glorious "games" the Children staged.	"Adrianople, Kunovitza, Dibra, Varna, Hexamilion! It's fun just to call out the bloody names of battles."
15th Century	Flourishing of Bronze Casting and Angelic Iconography: The Renaissance yields masterpieces of bronze art and the codification of angelic imagery in sculpture and painting.	The Children found bronze "fun." Michael is credited with inventing the iconography of angels by carving figures that evolved from "grotesque" to "noble."	"Bronze is fun! Bronze horses are the best. Big bronze doors can be an orgy of delight... 'We know that,' said Michael, 'but do the Eretzi know that I cannot? I will make angels for the Eretzi.' He made them grotesque... But Michael had sudden inspiration. He touched his creations up and added an element of nobility. So an iconography was born."
1453	Fall of Constantinople: The Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II conquers Constantinople, ending the Byzantine Empire, using enormous cannons designed by an engineer named Orban.	This is presented as a highlight of the Children's war games. The cannon-maker "Orban" was actually Michael Goodgrind, who deliberately gave conflicting reports of his origins to confuse future historians.	"Constantinople! That was the one where they first used the big cannon. But who cast the big cannon for the Turks there? In their histories the Eretzi say that it was a man named Orban or Urban... How many places did you tell them that you came from, Michael Goodgrind?"
1456	Siege of Belgrade (as "Belgrad"): Hungarian forces led by John Hunyadi successfully defended the city of Belgrade from a massive siege by Mehmed II's Ottoman army.	The heroism and strategy of the historical siege are reduced to another round in the Children's game.	"Belgrad, Trebizond, Morat, Blackheath, Napoli, Dornach!"
1461	Fall of Trebizond: The Empire of Trebizond, the last remnant of the Byzantine Empire, is conquered by the Ottomans.	Included in the list of battles to show how thorough the Children were. They orchestrated this conquest as a "coda" to the Fall of Constantinople, not skipping even far-flung and historically minor conquests.	"Belgrad, Trebizond, Morat, Blackheath, Napoli, Dornach!"
1476	Battle of Morat: Swiss Confederation forces decisively defeat the army of Charles the Bold, Duke of Burgundy.	The Children are shown to be meddling in Western European power struggles, not just Christian vs. Ottoman conflicts.	"Belgrad, Trebizond, Morat, Blackheath, Napoli, Dornach!"
1480–1519	Life of Lucrezia Borgia: The Italian noblewoman gains an infamous reputation for political intrigue and, according to legend, poisoning her enemies with a hollow ring.	Laurie "made up a melodrama" based on Lucrezia. The play was so convincing that humans willingly took on the roles of victims, dying for the sake of the drama. The historical legend is just a "cropped version" of Laurie's over-the-top performance.	"Laurie made up a melodrama—Lucrezia Borgia and the Poison Ring... Lucrezia was very well done, as children’s burlesques go, and the bodies were strewn from Napoli to Vienne. The Eretzi play with great eagerness any convincing part offered them, and they go to their deaths quite willingly if the part calls for it."
15th–16th Centuries	The Medici Family: This powerful Florentine family rises from bankers to de facto rulers of Florence and produces four popes.	Lonnie stages a play called "The Pawnbroker and the Pope," a grand burlesque about the Medici. He is said to have "played Medici parts in five succeeding generations," puppeteering the family's rise and turning their complex history into a child's game.	"Lonnie made one up called The Pawnbroker and the Pope. It was in the grand manner, all about the Medici family, and had some very funny episodes in the fourth act. Lonnie, who was vain of his acting ability, played Medici parts in five succeeding generations."
1494–1559	The Italian Wars: A long series of conflicts involving Spain, France, the Holy Roman Empire, the Papacy, and Italian city-states for control of the Italian peninsula.	The Italian peninsula becomes a playground for the Children's war games. The historical campaigns are reframed as a series of moves and counter-moves between the children, each leading different human armies.	"They smashed Germany and France and Italy like a clutch of eggs. Never had there been such spirited conflict. The Eretzi were amazed by it all, but they were swept into it; it was the Eretzi who made up the armies."
1495 / 1501-04	Conflicts over Naples ("Napoli"): The Kingdom of Naples is a key prize in the early Italian Wars, contested by France and Spain.	"Napoli!" is shouted as one of the arenas for the Children's games, a prize to be fought over just as it was in history.	"Belgrad, Trebizond, Morat, Blackheath, Napoli, Dornach!"
1497	Battle of Blackheath: A minor English battle where royal forces under Henry VII defeated a Cornish rebellion.	Its inclusion among epic continental battles shows that no conflict was too small for the Children's attention. They toyed with English rebels for variety, underscoring that every corner of Europe was their playground.	"Belgrad, Trebizond, Morat, Blackheath, Napoli, Dornach!"
1499	Battle of Dornach ("Domach"): A decisive victory for the Swiss Confederacy over the forces of Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I, securing Swiss independence.	Creates conditions for the Swiss Confederacy to become a stronghold of the Reformation.	"Belgrad, Trebizond, Morat, Blackheath, Napoli, Dornach!"
c. 1503	Rise of the Spanish Tercio: The innovative Spanish "pike and shot" infantry formations begin to dominate European battlefields.	The tercio is a "device" the Children invented. Its revolutionary effectiveness on the battlefield surprises even the Children themselves, as if one of them unleashed an unexpectedly powerful new "toy" in their game.	"Brescia! Ravenna! Who would have believed that such things could be done with a device known as Spanish infantry?"
1503	Battle of Cerignola ("Carignola"): A major Spanish victory in the Italian Wars, notable for the use of gunpowder infantry.	A tactical game where Lonnie "foxed" the other children, Michael and Ralpha. This rivalry is credited with inventing the novel tactics that won the historical battle.	"Carignola—Lonnie foxed both Michael and Ralpha there, and nearly foxed himself. (You didn’t intend it all that way, Lonnie. It was seven-cornered luck and you know it!)"
1503	Battle of Garigliano: A decisive Spanish victory over the French, securing Naples for Spain.	This epic, cinematic description emphasizes that the Children choreographed the battle for maximum spectacle and carnage.	"Garigliano where the sea was red with blood and the ships were like broken twigs on the water!"
1512	Sack of Brescia & Battle of Ravenna: Two bloody events in the War of the League of Cambrai.	These are listed together to show the Children's involvement in the era's most brutal moments. The horror of Brescia and the tragic victory of Ravenna are presented as just more scores in the Children's deadly game tally.	"Brescia! Ravenna! Who would have believed that such things could be done with a device known as Spanish infantry?"
1521	Battle of Villalar: Royalist forces of King Charles I of Spain crush the Comuneros revolt.	The Children's war "game" is shown to extend to civil wars.	"Villalar, Milan, Pavia! Best of all, the sack of Rome!"
1522	Battle of Bicocca (near "Milan"): Spanish-Imperial forces defeat a Franco-Swiss army, a key battle for control of Milan.	Referred to as "Milan," this battle is another chess move in the ongoing game orchestrated by the Children, showing the power of the new infantry "device" they had introduced.	"Villalar, Milan, Pavia! Best of all, the sack of Rome!"
1525	Battle of Pavia: A catastrophic defeat for the French, where their king, Francis I, was captured by Imperial forces.	This is presented as a crowning "game" for the Children. They achieve the high drama of capturing a king, with the battle being the "apotheosis" of their new "device"(the Spanish infantry). A turning point in European history is re-envisioned as a thrilling plot twist.	"Villalar, Milan, Pavia! Best of all, the sack of Rome!"
1527	Sack of Rome: Mutinous Imperial troops of Emperor Charles V brutally sack the city of Rome, marking a symbolic end to the High Renaissance.	The story lauds this as "Best of all!" and the "peak of the game." It was a chaotic masterpiece where "a dozen different games blended into one," combining all the Children's intrigues and warfare into one horrific finale.	"Best of all, the sack of Rome! There were a dozen different games blended into that one. The Eretzi discovered new emotions in themselves there—a deeper depravity and a higher heroism."
1529–1530	Siege of Florence: The city of Florence holds out for ten months against an Imperial siege before falling, ending the last independent Florentine Republic.	The siege is called a "wonderfully well-played game" that "called out the Children's every trick." It was a tour-de-force of strategy where the Children, on both sides, used all their cunning, making the city's tragic last stand a final, challenging scenario.	"Siege of Florence! That one called out the Children’s every trick. A wonderfully well-played game!"
1557, 1569, 1574	Battles of St. Quentin, Moncontour, Mookerheyde, and Turin: A series of battles from the later Italian Wars and the opening phases of the French Wars of Religion and the Dutch Revolt.	The story bunches these to show the Children's games continued into the era of religious wars, orchestrating another showdown between Habsburg Spain and Valois France, and meddling in the religious wars of France and the Netherlands.	"Turin, San Quentin, Moncontour, Mookerhide!"
1571	Battle of Lepanto: A massive naval battle where the Christian Holy League defeated the Ottoman fleet. The Ottoman admiral Occhiali (Uluç Ali) Pasha, however, survived and escaped.	Lafferty devotes a rich passage to this "epic naval set-piece." He alters history by having Occhiali Pasha die, but reveals Occhiali was actually Michael in a disposable body. The carnage ("feastings" for the fish) is noted with glee.	"Lepanto! The great sea siege where the castled ships broke asunder and the tall Turk Ochiali Pasha perished with all his fleet and was drowned forever. But it wasn’t so forever as you might suppose, for he was Michael Goodgrind, who had more bodies than one."
1578	Battle of Alcazar-Quivir: "The Battle of the Three Kings" in Morocco, where the young Portuguese King Sebastian is killed and his army is annihilated.	The "end of the litany," the final great battle the Children played. This romantic tragedy serves as their dramatic finale, after which they "conveniently" remember the rule against using live soldiers and decide to stop.	"Alcazar-Quivar! That was the last of the excellent ones—the end of the litany. The Children left off the game. They remembered (but conveniently, and after they had worn out the fun of it) that they were forbidden to play Warfare with live soldiers."
End of the "Afternoon" (c. 1577)	The Children Play "Saints": As an act of penance for their destructive games, the Children model asceticism.	Their final "game" is to model extreme piety, sparking a renewal of religious fervor in humanity (nodding to the Counter-Reformation) to balance their earlier sins before departing. The pilgrim is most likely the Church Militant at this time of spiritual renewal.	"The last game they played? They played Saints—for the Evil they had done... They played Saints in hairshirt and ashes, and revived that affair among the Eretzi."
1915	Gallipoli Campaign: A complex and ultimately failed WWI Allied naval and amphibious campaign to capture the Dardanelles from the Ottoman Empire.	This is an anachronistic reference, implying the Children were either time-hoppers or returned for an encore. The narrator is amazed by the intricate naval maneuvers, suggesting the Children found Gallipoli an impressively complex "board game."	"Gallipoli—how they managed the ships in that one! The Fathers could not have maneuvered more intricately in their four-dimension chess at Home."
The 20th Century	The Modern Era	This is the final historical allusion, tying the story's premise to the reader's present. It shows that periods of profound, violent, and creative upheaval in human history might always have an external, otherworldly explanation.	"When last came such visitors here? What thing has beset us during the last long Eretzi lifetime? We consider a new period—and it impinges on the Present... 'Is it ourselves who behave so? Is it beings of another sort, or have we become those beings?'"
Ongoing during the "Long Afternoon"	General Technological & Cultural Innovations: The Children introduce tools, processes, and cultural items to Earth.	All these advancements are explained as things the Children casually made for their own use. Humanity's technological and cultural leap during the Renaissance is explained as humans "imitating" their discarded toys and habits.	"In this manner the Eretzi came onto many tools, processes, devices and arts that they had never known before... The Astrolabe... Printing... Playing Cards... Tobacco, the Violin, Whiskey, the Mechanical Clock."

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